I once spent some time with a man who was a severe schizophrenic. He paused thoughtfully and said, "sometimes...you have to be a little crazy to find your... normal." He was a very ill man and had struggled with mental illness all his life. He was unkempt, disshelved and suffered ticks and "spells." He wore ill-fitting sweats and fitted socks with ironic smilie faces on the bottoms. I never saw him in shoes. Between his "spells" where he would lose track of where he was, and suffer a tick, he would tell me of what he wanted to be -- "maybe an attorney," he said seriously, "I like to talk." Part of his working mind that touched reality was clever and insightful. He was a devoted Christian. Between spells, he said Christ had risen him from low places.

He told me this as we sat down to lunch. My lunch tray was before me, untouched -- and I was disgusted about everything in my life. Phyically wasting away, my wrists looked so small, too small as I looked at my hands in my lap. The industrial lights glared off the table. I wore no make-up and felt like everything had been striped away. I was at the end of myself. No, I was beyond that place - somewhere else, beyond living or feeling...beyond being. I simply was. Like a tree or a desk or a book. I took up space. In this state, I thought about his words ... they rolled around in my head... slowly... and I realized... if that man can say he has been risen from low places...

perhaps,

perhaps

I can

too.

----
I never appreciated freedom until I was in a room that required keys I did not have.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v8PBC6agN28&feature=related

clay's hero, i know, but i like it. i found sunny 101.5 - because i cannot bear to listen to u93 anymore...and wow, some good stuff on there.