jar of hearts

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HH7WXlf9WLk

consider the tree

consider the tree: years and years, if not for centuries, it grows -- planted with purpose or happenstance. it grows upward, purposefully -- reaching for life. it weathers rain and wind, even war. it survives, down to its core, it fights from its roots to its leaves, hundreds of feet, to survive.

and then, imagine, what it must be like, to have a stranger pass, and with an idle thought decide, with the swing of an axe to end that life. For no real reason or rhyme. Maybe for money. Maybe to fill the time. in just a few strokes, the results of a years and years of growth crashes downward, dead.

but look -- have you ever seen a stump of a tree after some time -- a leaf -- a growth of new life peeping from the ruin there? it grows again, risen from the roots.

oh! consider the tree: even when killed it survives.

consider the corn

i consider the corn:
it bends and it bows

planted in rows
where the farmer has sown

each sturdy stalk sprouts on its own --
it does not look and bemoan
where the farmer has thrown-

it takes, good or not, what its given
and makes the best of it: its driven;

death is an option, but its choice is to grow
oh consider the corn! it grows where it's sown!

i gazed long at the field and had a lesson in thought:
i must grow where i'm planted, no matter the plot --

be it dry or wet, be it cloudly --
beaten by wind, eaten by rot --
-- forgotten or not --
think!

what if.... i grow roots in my plot ?

oh, the seed of my life was sown before time
by the toss of a hand
so much bigger than mine

i consider this hand that placed me with care --
and know it devined
the spot and the time, the rain and the shine
of my planting here --

emily dickinson

757
The Mountains - grow unnoticed -
Their Purple figures rise
Without attempt - Exhaustion
Assitance - or Applause

In Their Eternal Faces
The Sun - with just delight
Looks long - and last - and golden
For fellowshilp - at night -

768
When I hoped, I recollect
Just the place I stood -
At a Window facing West -
Roughest Air - was good -
Not a Sleet could bite me -
Not a frost could cool -
Hope it was that kept me warm -
Not Merino shawl -

When I feared - I recollect
Just teh Day it was -
Worlds were lying out to Sun -
Yet how Nature froze -

Icicles upon my soul
Prickled Blue and Cool -
Bird went praising everywhere -
Only Me - was still -

And the Day that I despaired -
This - if I forget
Nature will - that it be Night
After Sun has set -
Darkness intersect her face -
And put out her eye -
Nature hesitate - before
Memory and I -


781
To wait an Hour - is long -
If Love be just beyond -

To wait Eternity - is short -
If Love reward the end -

the pain is gone

nice new song from derulo - i like the way the lyric 'the pain is gone' sounds...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ESdn0MuJWQ&feature=fvw

Lisa Scinta

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vpnlgg5aCIY&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FgY5Me4afOg&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_-sJBuelpA&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gO89Xq345nA&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYwLvH-PnB8&feature=fvw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cb0fAyFYfyo&feature=related

wish right now

i heard this song some time ago - just looked it up on youtube. i really like this video created by this girl. it's so potent! well done --

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zun2aeOjpss&feature=related

http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=No8e0OE9QAU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fm5S9EqGiIc&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_YR4dKArgo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHVhwcOg6y8&a=KYW3TjPZUqA&playnext_from=ML

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kxfxDycUVnE

coming to my senses

i smelled wild mint for the first time on a path to the beach last wknd.

i smelled wet mulch and mowed grass warming in the spring sunshine this afternoon.

it's true: you can't truly miss what you never had. all the time i couldn't smell those things, i never thought, 'poor me.' now i smell them and my life has a while new dimension.

man's best friend

the best thing about my day: steve training wrigley on a beautiful summer evening in the empty lot next to our neighbor, sunset behind me, sitting on the truck bed, watching him, sunglasses on. fluff from the cotton trees in the air, orange sunset glowing. watching a smart yet simple man in a simple moment, doing what he loves. a good man, with a tender heart, evident in the care he shows all that he loves.

i walked to my home, with my camper and flowers and american flag.

it was a good moment and it was mine.

watch out justin beiber

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jqMixeRhGfg

i love the blonde girl in the background

god has a sense of humor i think.

two black cats have crossed my path within the last week.

i feel lucky.

i had a beautiful day today. :)

i made it

i made it. there's no doubt.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWHH1Updhig

johnny:

http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o22eIJDtKho


i first heard this song in middle school -- not Johnny's version, but I admired his version when it came out --

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6gyUotqwPM

the same night i dreamed about the superheros vs supervillians my mother dreamed i shipwrecked and was lost at sea.

oh my.

good vs. bad

i had a dream last night.

i dreamed that all the superheros and supervillians of the world stopped and put down their differences for one hour to attend the funeral of a superhero.

they all sat in chairs with their masks and costumes on and listened to someone give a eulogy.

i was there, and dr. evil was there, and supermodel christina brinkley was there as a feme fatale' superhero for some reason -- and austin powers I recall was there too. but there was an evil guy trying to do something behind the scenes, and the brinkley hero tried to stop him and he did something that turned her into glass, and she shattered. i'm not sure if i was a villian or a hero, but i saw it. lol.

it reminded me of how the british and german soldiers put down there differences during WWI on christmas eve and had that truce.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas_truce

it reminded me of a funeral i saw for a former governor at the state house while i was an intern there. i watched from the balcony as another former govenor gave a eulogy while the casket sat in the rotunda and all the democrats and republicans sat next to one another amicably.

odd

i had the oddest sensation just now. that i have nothing left to say. i'm not over-sexed. i'm over-txt.

suddenly

they came to me. in the car. my mind, so odd.

i confuse so many things still -- made with maid and weight with wait ... and so many other words when writing still, and so many other things lost... just like they poured out the back of my mind...like sand through a sieve.

i still get lost driving to common everyday places, and lose my thought mid-sentence and in embarassment have to admit 'i forget where i was going with that', have an even worse memory than i ever had --- but suddenly, suddenly these lyrics came to me so clearly, so very clearly...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYIAfiVGluk

and how ironic yet, oh! that bitter sweet irony: they apply more now than ever.

wicked

i saw the musical 'wicked' today w/mom and tracy. it was excellent in all regards. this song stuck out to me 'i'm not that girl':

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_Hk0Cm3fIg

however, as i sat there i began to think (reference: main character ferrio/strawman)--

being the philosphical person i am-- i began to think, about which character i was more like, or what each witch (good/bad) represented. then i realized they are part of a whole, and that...

i was both.

this song also stuck out to me:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mM1fQBZKwzM

a dream

two -- or was it three? -- nights ago i had a dream
and recalled in VIVID detail
someone i had not seen

in a very long time

when i woke
i was shocked to find
it wasn't real

and also shocked at how my memory
had stored away in such minute detail
so many, tiny things the mind
captures in a moment's glance
about someone --
the color of their eyes, their inflection and tone, their way of moving,
their character -- their flesh

how fascinating, but more disturbing;
unsettling to relive such intricate detail
of a wasted memory, long spent

Weight Watchers

I told my kite story and related to my work with Weight Watchers tonight. It was my first meeting back after 3 wks out due to sick leave/surgery, etc.

I got an ovation!

In my nearly 3 years of being a motivational speaker/Leader with Weight Watchers I've gotten only a handful of ovations at the end of one of my speeches. Tonight.........was one of them.

I was in terrible low-grade pain in my face still - since the bones have not reset. I mean, I was crying in my car before the meeting. But put my 'game face' on and walked it, and was 'happy Cari'. And something worked, bc it connected with them bc I just put it all out there, and by the end some of them were crying, and 4 grown women came up and hugged me.

I came home and took a Valium.

lol.

I Made It

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEZ9qJpdcdA

Let's Go Fly a Kite

Yesterday I flew an $8 kite in my backyard. It didn't come with string, so I had to find something in the house, and it needed a tail, so I had to make one. It was a delight trying to make it fly. And fly it did: very high.

There is something in a human being, or maybe just in me, that rejoices when flying a kite. There is something about when it goes up, and up, and up...that makes me deep-down happy. It connects with that thing in me that is always looking upward. That may have been the best $8 I have ever spent, and certainly the cheapest therapy.

It also occurred to me when it took a nose dive in the neighbor's yard that only optimists fly kites. It took some inventive creativity, a little time, and it didn't' go up right away. But the initial investment paid great dividends. My kite Flew. I didn't care what the neighbors thought, and I ignored Steve's incredulous looks while he mowed the lawn, or how it looked when the first string I found broke and my kite floated half-way into the neighboring corn-field and it took me a good 15 minutes of searching to retrieve it.

Flying my kite was a kind of special, private satisfaction that spread. Shortly after my kite was high above our house I saw another colorful kite ...appear ...across the way.

I had inspired someone else to fly.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g89NxTTycxc

My intellectual idol:

Irene Adler

http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://hindiakoto.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/sherlock_holmes_adler1.jpg&imgrefurl=http://hindiakoto.wordpress.com/2010/01/26/sherlock-holmes-movie/&usg=__zblgZ-FI0StzbhbrUDFxjSapfUg=&h=766&w=500&sz=131&hl=en&start=13&um=1&itbs=1&tbnid=tCTs34xpLTz4rM:&tbnh=142&tbnw=93&prev=/images%3Fq%3Direne%2Badler%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26safe%3Doff%26sa%3DN%26rlz%3D1T4GGLL_en%26tbs%3Disch:1

My style and image idol:

Audrey Hepburn

http://media.photobucket.com/image/audrey%20heburn%20hat/capturedvogue/audrey-hepburn-hat1.jpg

http://www.imdb.com/media/rm3379271680/nm0000030

New to me. Compelling.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_YtzsUdSC_I

what reminds us more potently and suddenly...

of our good luck; our wealth and fortune, no matter how you count it; our well being; our daily industry and contributions to this world, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant; all we have and cherish; the roof over our head; our interdependance -- the necessity of the ones we love to protect, care, and defend us when we are weak; all that we wish and hope for; what tomorrow might bring; our most intimate dreams .... in sum, all we so effortlessly and daily take for granted...

than sickness?

like a pulse
like a beat
a small, tiny beat... hear it?!
it races through my veins

like a pulse,

like... a ...beat,
a faint, ...uneven ...beat
it...it ...still ...remains

let me take one memory
erase it from my brain
let me snuff that memory
where...It ...still remains

--

consider:

have you been like the forrest

ravaged by the wildfire,

which ran unchecked, unruled, unforgiving

through and through? sorching, burning, destroying

everything, everything. all lost.

consider:

the first green buds that bloom there among the charred death bed

they come, they grow even where it looks

like no life will ever live again

so, do we hate the little buds?

do we resent them? no....

we nurture them, we wimper

"grow" ...

then... more fervently....

we whisper...we whisper...

"grow!"

----

i think bella knew from the very beginning,

jacob was better

i love this video & song....i really do!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrOeGCJdZe4

I see the light in the Window

see the light in the window,
see it play with the trees --
see the light in the window,
see it flow as it please --

i have seen the great Darkness --
i have lay standing by --
i have been the Great darkness
and i have survived

i see the light in the window,
and i lift from my knees --
see the beauty, the willows
as they sway in the breeze

i stand, and the wind --
it plays with my hair;
behind my pink eyelids
i continue to stare --

oh! i see the light in the window,
feel the caress of the breeze
for today is the day
i shall rise from my knees

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1Fqn9du7xo

i like a man who can wear mascara well


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDKva-s_khY

consider the rose petal,
soft and fair,
consider the rose petal,
lying there

so far from the rose
it moves with a breath
oh! consider the rose petal:
exquisite in death

consider the pose
of a petal so pure
long after life
its pleasures endure

on a cheek
on a lip
on a breast
or a hip

consider the rose
whose petals are showered
on lovers abandoned
on meadows once flowered

beauty in life
exquisite in death
consider the rose
it moves with a breath

--

co-authored by a friend & me

speechless, lady gaga

paper gangsta, lady gaga

---

show me your teeth, lady gaga

twas always thus

with Art and Muse:

their worlds collide,

but never fuse





--



a simple lens

does seperate

him from she,

but what

Perspective shifts!

from him, then me

snowflakes

snowflakes falling
widely down, circling, circling

silently falling,
falling,
falling,
down.

i pause to watch,
the window pane,
and feel the silent whirl
inspire me to stillness

movies

movies make me thoughtful. i am 3/4 of the way through The Libertine and find it good. Unusual. Bothering me enough to stop watching it. Then I know it's good...if I can't stand to watch it anymore -- it cuts too deep, too close to something I cant' quite put my finger on, something raw and real. Something like fingers on an unknown pulse, a smoldering of a forgotten spark.

movies like that make me thoughtful. they make me dark, and I always turn, I turn away... because I can't stand to know the end ... perhaps because I feel as though it's already played it out inside me ... an end best witnessed once.

I am really enjoying the David Guetta CD: One Love...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6zNyIUVzKio

"Fate leads those who are willing, pushes those who are not..."

Midnight

It's an interesting moment - 11:59. Every year it hits me that way...I have a hard time describing it. When that final second ticks away it's like the whole last year slips away, and a whole brand new year of endless possibilities lays out before me. And even if last year had its ups and downs, at least it was known -- the unknown is scary. So when I stood there with my champagne glass next to my husband I remembered all the happened in 2009. I can't imagine what my face looked like! Everyone was dancing and carrying on all around us, but when everything was slow motion for me...

... I turned to Steve when that last moment faded away to memory, and what I saw there was good. We're not who we were at 15, but who we've become is good.

2009 has been left behind. 2010 is where I belong.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9sraruD8ho

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrLJ4qYTinI