I was driving home from Merrillville, IN when I noticed it: I was the only car -- the one and only vehicle-- heading east. The traffic in the opposite direction was bumper to bumper, car and car and car, as far as I could see for miles and miles-- then, as it grew darker, head light after headlight began shining in my eyes.
It seems I'm always going agaist the traffic, the flow. I'm always taking my own road, going my own way, even when everyone else is going the opposite direction.-- even when I'm driving!
On this particular evening, the sun was once again setting low in the west, shinning red and yellow on the road before me - lighting my way. The others, going West, had it glaring in their faces!
I looked out the truck windows as I pondered this. The height of the truck gave me a little perch to see farther than normal -- and what did I see? Beyond the cars streaming mindlessly by... the gold and yellow and red gleaming beautifully on everything -- against the fields, the houses, the old country roads -- the woman far away hanging laundry.
What I saw was not worth defending, what I saw was worth fighting for-- worth claiming as what I love. What I cherish. What I value. There are certain types of people who live and die by - and certainly are driven by - high ideals or values... things like Character, Honor, Duty, Service. These types of people are few and far between, even fewer among them are women. For better or worse, God help me, I am one among them.
It occurred to me that if I have to die, and surely we all do, wouldn't it be best to die for something worth dying for? That on that last day, when I draw my last breath, that my dying thought will be "I did," and not "I didn't" -- a last dying thought of thankful gratitude to be a useful tool of God and not one that stayed rusting, safe, in the tool bench. Free will gives us that option. I once had a coach in my life who would too often say to me... "Cari-- you should have, could have, you didn't." He was a callous man but he drove his point home. There is nothing that terrifies me more now than "I didn't."
Does it makes sense to dedicate your life to defending that which you love? Of being the "stand up person" who says not only that they "can," but that they "will" when they are called? There is an important difference there. Surely, surely as I live and breathe I tell you - I think so. God does not call the equipped, He equips the called! Over and over again, He shows me this. I am nothing, and yet, look what He has accomplished in me!
Yes, it may get lonely on the road less traveled, but I think - I think, it's worth it.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Counter
OK - I was looking at the hit counter on this blog. How in the world did it get over 11,900 views? I am perflexed. I know my mom doesn't have fast enough internet to hit "refresh" that many times - and I'm not quite pathetic enough to visit my site, say 300 x a day, so .... who are you people? :)
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Face the West
Sometimes, in the evenings, I run. I put on my running shoes, head down the drive, and pound the day's worries quietly and steadily into the ground. Heel to toe, heel to toe - my burden lightens by degrees until I reach the two mile mark. About that time, I start to trudge to the top of the highest hill in the area. At the top I turn around and face the west. What I see makes me stop.
With the sweat stinging my eyes, my heart beating in my chest, my hands on my hips and my posture strong and sure I see the sun set red, gold, and yellow across my world. I see it span across acres and acres of corn and wheat and beans, across the silo and the red barn, across the top of old oaks, down the parraell long and lonely stretch of country road. I narrow my eyes, and farther yet I see it set red and gold across the roof of my home. Sometimes, when the timing is right I see my husband in the back yard, a tiny figure, playing fetch with our dogs. I see the yellow-red flash upon our window panes. Next to that I see the homes, roof after roof, of our neighbors and friends. I look farther still to see the road I'm perched upon strech on and on, past the fire station, past the school house, out and out - to the places that comfort me, and that I love.
I stand there, breathing deep, bathed in the same red, yellow and gold, and I tell you in those moments I cannot say a wordless prayer more sincere. I am the prayer. I am simply God's creation doing what I was created to do: adore Him. In my heart I feel it; I am beloved and at peace.
With the sweat stinging my eyes, my heart beating in my chest, my hands on my hips and my posture strong and sure I see the sun set red, gold, and yellow across my world. I see it span across acres and acres of corn and wheat and beans, across the silo and the red barn, across the top of old oaks, down the parraell long and lonely stretch of country road. I narrow my eyes, and farther yet I see it set red and gold across the roof of my home. Sometimes, when the timing is right I see my husband in the back yard, a tiny figure, playing fetch with our dogs. I see the yellow-red flash upon our window panes. Next to that I see the homes, roof after roof, of our neighbors and friends. I look farther still to see the road I'm perched upon strech on and on, past the fire station, past the school house, out and out - to the places that comfort me, and that I love.
I stand there, breathing deep, bathed in the same red, yellow and gold, and I tell you in those moments I cannot say a wordless prayer more sincere. I am the prayer. I am simply God's creation doing what I was created to do: adore Him. In my heart I feel it; I am beloved and at peace.
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